From Disaster to Hope

I recently had the opportunity to sit through a short seminar given by Chris Rinaldi, LCMHC and certified Disaster Mental Health Counselor. It really shook me when she said “the worst is yet to come”. She said trying to return to normal when everything looks normal in a world that isn’t anymore is isolating and hard.

I thought of the people at our gym who have moved away or disappeared because their lives needed to be rebuilt. I thought of the people in our community who volunteered in the weeks following the hurricane, literally rescuing people from their homes or passing out food and water to those looking for help with getting through the day. I thought of people who told me it really wasn’t all that bad and we shouldn’t get in the way. Everyone has a story about their experience, each one legitamate.

I asked Chris if she would let me interview her for the purpose of letting our people know it’s supposed to be hard right now, it will get better, and there are ways to help yourself and your loved ones. She kindly agreed and gave me so much material, all of which is here.

Whoever you are, we wish you well. Everything is an opportunity -even disasters- and we are here for this one!

Chris references this “Typical Phases of Disaster” when she talks about the timeline one can expect. That bottom-most trough typically occurs about 6 months after a natural disaster. That’s about now.

• Can you give us a timeline of what we can expect as a community or as individuals during this recovery from Hurricane Helene?

  I wish I could give you a clear, straight answer on this one, but the reality is that it varies wildly. Quite a bit of research has been done on the recovery trajectory communities and individuals go through following a natural disaster or other large-scale catastrophe.

  Each of these stages is passed through, no matter what, but how LONG we stay in each stage is what varies from situation to situation.

  Just some of the things to consider when creating an accurate recovery timeline are:

  1) How severe was the loss or damage you experienced?

  2) What resources and support did you have before the event?

  3) Did any of your support network move away or suffer big losses themselves?

  4) What was the quality of your emotional, physical, and spiritual health before the Hurricane? How about now?

  5) Did your applications for help move through the system smoothly or are you caught in a snarl of ongoing paperwork, estimates, denials, and appeals?

  6) Do you see or experience the impact of Hurricane damage daily?

  7) Is this your first natural disaster experience, or are you coping with past traumas and losses as well?

  These questions are important to consider on a personal and community level. For example, a community who had many fallen trees but has an HOA to manage their removal is on a very, very different timeline than a rural community whose roads were washed out, several homes were decimated, and are still attempting to clean up massive amounts of debris.

  On average, the honeymoon phase will last for a few weeks to a couple of months at most. That is when volunteer activity, community engagement, and outside help are at their highest level. Then we begin to move into a slow descent called “the disillusionment phase.” This is where we are right now.

  During the disillusionment phase, the immediate help has gone home long ago, and many of us are grappling with feelings of exhaustion, numbness, abandonment, confusion, anxiety, and struggles with our faith. Many of us may find that we have difficulty focusing, keep making silly mistakes, or injuring ourselves. These are all very normal responses to being in the phase of recovery we are in right now.

  The lowest point of the disillusionment phase can occur somewhere between 4 to 8 months, depending on your scenario. It can be a hard place to be, and there is often unrecognized grief happening below the surface, compounding all the other stress being felt too.

• Is this inevitable?

  Yes and No.

  On an individual level, one way to look at the disillusionment period is a natural period of rest and recovery following the sudden burst of sustained adrenaline most of us experienced to carry us through the immediate aftermath of the storm. The dip from very high activation is important to keep our bodies, minds, and spirits healthy and balanced. In an ideal world, we would be spending this time grieving all the direct and indirect losses, connecting with our supports, and recovering our strength for the long recovery climb ahead.

  However, let’s be real. The modern world does not support a leisurely recovery period. Our jobs, schools, kids, mortgages, and other obligations do not stop just because we are struggling to make sense of the world-altering reality of a large natural disaster. This can complicate things and, unfortunately, can also increase the likelihood of things like relationship conflict, physical illness, or mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression taking hold.

  We will begin to climb out though! Humans are resilient and tough! However, rebuilding our communities and our sense of safety again takes much, much longer than we would like to admit or sometimes even recognize.

  Typically, with a wide spread catastrophe like Helene was to WNC- we are looking at 5 or up to even 10 years in some places to return to the level of functioning that was present before the storm hit.

  We may see rapid rebuilding, but the longer-term effects, both visible and invisible- like lost opportunities, damaged or lost historical landmarks, changes or disappearances of relationships or businesses, a lost sense of security, and of course, the ongoing financial impact this storm has had will be felt long beyond the rebuilding of roads. This has impacted us all in ways we will be feeling for many years to come.

  On the positive side, though- if you look at the graph, we do end up at a HIGHER point than we started. That means no matter how difficult the struggle, we grow and get stronger as we navigate recovery.

• What can we do as individuals to help ourselves?

  To help support ourselves, the best plan of action is to create a personalized resilience plan and then actually DO the things listed on it. A resilience plan can literally be created on a sticky note and placed on the bathroom mirror. The key, though, is following through, which is why I suggest putting a reminder somewhere we will see it daily.

  A basic resilience plan has 5 ingredients.

  PART 1: Check in with yourself and notice (without judgment!) how you are feeling.

  Is your body tense or relaxed? Is your mind cluttered and racing or creative and clear?

  Can you name a feeling to describe your general state? (Sometimes using a feeling wheel can help in this area) https://feelingswheels.com/the-emotion-wheel/

  PART 2: Once you have this information, you can determine if you are having signs of a heightened stress state.

  If your nervous system is stuck in high gear, it may look like insomnia, jumpiness, irritability, anxiety, tense muscles, shallow breathing, and overworking. Being stuck in low gear (which is also a common response to a prolonged stress state) may look like chronic exhaustion, numbness, being spaced out, procrastination, making ‘silly’ mistakes, or being unusually klutzy.

  Once you figure out if you are out of balance, TAKE ACTION, which is step #3, to address what is happening. Don’t judge it- just do something about it. You will thank yourself- I promise.

  PART 3: Take Action! Engage in a short stress reduction technique or self-care activity every day.

  Stress reduction techniques are immediate actions that can be taken in five minutes or less.

  A few lesser-known stress reduction techniques can be:

   Gargle water for 30 seconds

   Take five deep breaths and hum on the exhale (this one is great for in the car)

   Another one is going into a room by yourself (close the door so you can let go!) and shaking your whole body all over. Shake out your arms, legs, shoulders, torso, and rump. Shake, shake, shake! Allow yourself to make some noises if that comes naturally. Then, stop and take a few deep breaths through the nose and out through the mouth. Take a minute to notice… how do you feel now?

  There are COUNTLESS ways to engage in self-care, and these are unique to you.

  Make yourself a list of a variety of achievable self-care activities you can draw from. These can range from “Go outside and take a walk” to “Call a friend,” “Watch funny videos”, “Go on a social media/ news cleanse,” or even “No cook night- order pizza instead!” Be creative and make your list about what will relieve YOUR stress and make you feel nourished inside, not what you think ‘should’ be on there. Try to engage in at least one small self-care activity each day. Be intentional about it!

  PART 4: Social Connection and Support

  Create a short list of 2-3 people outside of your immediate family who you can engage with on a regular basis in a reciprocal way. What I mean by this is, it is just as important to RECEIVE as it is to GIVE.

  A helpful perspective about receiving is this. Imagine picking out a unique gift for a friend simply because you wanted to express your appreciation of them. So, you bring it when you meet up with them for lunch and they say: “No, no! You shouldn’t have- I can’t take this!” How do YOU feel? The one who picked out and brought the gift? It takes off the shine off the pleasure of giving when someone refuses to receive. In short, gracious receiving completes the cycle so you get to share in the pleasure of passing it on.

  Make a commitment to check in and give support to the people on that list and RECEIVE it from them. This can take the shape of a quick “checking in and thinking of you” text message all the way up to helping each other clean up storm debris, share childcare or errands, or create a regular fun activity completely outside of the stressors of daily life. (Game night or backyard campfire, anyone?)

  PART 5: Positive Mindset

  Sometimes, it can be difficult to maintain a positive mindset when faced with challenges and stressors that feel like they are pushing us to the brink. However, a shift in perspective can transform challenges into opportunities, making it easier to adapt, grow, and build resilience.

  A simple way to widen our lens and find opportunity in the face of challenge is to look for what already exists that is good, supportive, and moving in the right direction. This is where the practice of gratitude comes in.

  A two-for-one positive social support activity that can be done is to pick a person on your support list and enter into a “gratitude challenge” with them. Each day, commit to text them three things you are grateful for, and they will do the same for you. Some days, it might be very simple:

  1. I am grateful my car started this morning

  2. I am grateful it is warm enough to not wear my winter coat.

  3. I am grateful we left on time this morning.

  Other days, it may be deeper or more complex- such as “I am grateful for our friendship and your sense of dark humor!”

  Bottom line: Creating a unique resilience plan with help you determine what YOUR current state is, what type of capacity you have, and then help you tend to yourself and your family with diligence. You come first- and everyone and everything else that follows will benefit from your increased capacity and regulation.

• How often should a person check in internally?

  Every single day.

  Even better, try to check in multiple times a day. Eventually, it becomes second nature to notice a shift in your internal experience. This practice of “checking in” is the building blocks of “mindfulness”, which is linked to reducing stress, depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms and increasing your sense of contentment and well-being.

• What can we do to help our community?

  As for the community, offer within your capacity the unique set of skills or gifts you have.

  Sometimes, we will minimize or dismiss the impact of very small acts. However, anyone who has ever received a meal, flowers, or had their yard cleaned up will tell you- receiving support feels anything BUT small!!

  Helping others can help you, too! Multiple studies have determined that volunteering in the community increases one’s sense of well-being, decreases depression symptoms, improves social relationships, and reduces stress. Many of us also experience a euphoric feeling called the “helper’s high!”

  So, figure out what you can offer while still keeping yourself very, very well-resourced.

  There is a saying: “No one can drink from an empty cup”. You must put yourself and your family first but also stretch a little and get outside of your comfort zone. Get creative and figure out what you or a group of friends can offer.

  Could you volunteer to pick up litter and debris along the river? Could you make a meal for someone you know who is struggling? Could you begin to promote fundraisers for trusted helping organizations on social media now that the newsfeed has moved on?

  Can you make that extra effort to buy and eat at local establishments? Are you good at organizing things or people? Are you good at walking dogs or stacking firewood? Every little thing matters- it all adds up to coming back stronger. So, find the thing that you feel naturally drawn to and place some energy there.

• Many of our members have children. How can they be supported?

  The best thing you can do for your kiddos is keep yourself well-regulated and resourced.

  Children (even older kids like teens) look to their caregivers to determine if something is okay or not. According to research, children’s reactions are more related to how their family or caregiver is coping than the actual nature or severity of the disaster itself.

  In a nutshell, it is important to be very patient with behaviors that seem out of the norm for a while, such as an increase in irritability or pickiness, drawing pictures about the storm, reminiscing about pre-storm days, or being extra clingy. Especially if you are not living in your original home anymore or it is heavily damaged, these behaviors may still be present.

  Create some special times to check in with your children about how they are feeling and validate their feelings. Triggers like a windy day, rain, or a helicopter may cause an adult to get a little jumpy, but children may get very, very frightened and need extra reassurance that they are safe and normalize their experience.

  One thing that can help children (and adults) of all ages feel more secure is creating a “safety plan” and a small box of supplies for future disasters. Hopefully, we will never need it. However, it is a helpful reassurance to children, especially if they get to help in the planning. And just for the record, it is not silly to include a beloved toy in the safety plan. This may help your child feel like what matters to them is included, even if to our adult eyes, a Lego set is not that important.

  At this point, if your child is still having nightmares or is preoccupied by the Hurricane, it may be a good idea to get some extra support through the school counselor or a child therapist. (The same goes for you as a parent; seek some extra support if you are struggling for both yourself and your kids. They are picking up way more than you think!)

  You can always check out the National Child Trauma Stress Network for direct resources on helping kids after natural disasters.

• I've been reading about the Danish practice of Hygge and its link to happiness. Hygge generally involves creating a cozy and safe environment and then socially basking in it with close friends or family. What are your thoughts? Do you feel there is any overlap with what you have shared so far?

  Yes, absolutely!

  Hygge emphasizes engaging in activities and creating environments that help our nervous system feel calm and safe. For many of us, this can be achieved through spending time in a pleasant, soothing space, maybe with a warm beverage and permission to cozy in and put down the endless “To Do” List for a while.

  When our nervous system feels regulated, we are able to reap the benefits of social connection and take in the positive things in our life, which lead to a sense of contentment and happiness. When our nervous system is dysregulated, we get caught in stress-driven mental loops that make it tough (if not impossible!) to connect with others, see the positive, or come up with creative solutions to complex problems.

  Setting aside time to engage in hygge is a beautiful addition to any resilience plan.

• One of my biggest take aways from my own research has been invest and care for your social network by actually using and participating in it. Can you confirm or deny this?

  Confirm. Human beings are instinctually wired with a need to belong and be in connection with others. It is an ancient survival mechanism to make sure we do not become disconnected from our tribe, which during ancient times would most certainly mean death.

  Those who stayed here, experienced the amazing surge of community cohesion in the immediate aftermath of Helene. It helped us all cope. Many people who did evacuate reported feeling extreme distress that “the rest of the world is just acting like nothing happened” while they were separated from their familiar support networks.

  Humans can endure incredible levels of hardship when they feel connected to others.

  We are much, much less resilient in isolation. Social networks provide much more support and nervous system regulation than we regularly acknowledge. We learned some very valuable lessons about the importance of connection during the COVID-19 pandemic. None of us are meant to face life alone.

• Do you have insight into the under-provided needs of a community as time passes? For instance, is another wave of supply drives helpful?

  After a natural disaster like Helene, it is difficult to make a blanket statement as to what is needed (besides well-distributed money!) Various areas experienced very different levels of destruction, and so their needs are different.

  My best suggestion is to contact the local organizations still providing support to the community and ask them what they need. It may be money, it may be supplies, it may be volunteer relief. Since disaster response needs can change day by day, it is always best to get guidance from those who have boots on the ground before proceeding with supply drives. (However, it goes without saying… fundraising is ALWAYS helpful since needed supplies, gas in vehicles, and rent support can be paid for with cash)

  Beloved Asheville has done a stellar job of reaching the underserved communities.

  https://www.belovedasheville.com/get-involved/.

  I would recommend starting there.

We’re so grateful Chris agreed to our interview -thank you, Chris!

If you needed a sign to remember to be kind to yourself, here it is. We find ourselves in a world that is simultaneously exactly as it was before and also wildly different and unpredictable -for many reasons. If there is one thing we can take from the hurricane experience, we are capable of coming together despite differences.

Thank you to those of you who helped us run our supply drive and who volunteered independently to cut people out of their homes, organize and help other organizations, and do whatever you could to help. We’re so proud of you all!